It was such a relief to read those words, when I was recovering from eating disorder. My whole life felt as it was a constant fight and control over my weight. The way I saw myself in the mirror was completely different to who I really was.
And here it came! Those words : “YOU DO NOT CONTROL YOUR WEIGHT, YOUR BODY DOES IT FOR YOU”. I cried. That was it, so simple, but how hard to believe by many people, not mention weight watchers, body builders, fitness instructors, and most of our population. FREEDOM. That was what I needed. That was what I wanted! To be free from a 24/7 fight.
I wanted to recover so much, be normal, eat whenever I wanted. And I was trapped. Until that moment when I discovered THIS. I had nothing to loose, so I gave it a go. How that is going to work? To let my body to take control while I was recovering? Becoming a friend with my body and letting it decide? If you want to eat – eat.
So I did it. I set my structure eating six times per day, but if I slip, that is ok. If I “overeat” – that is ok. That is not overeating because my body is healing and learning to trust me again.
With that in my mind I continued my journey differently now. I let my body to rule. I was eating my meals, and put on my plate what my body wanted. I was eating a cake for a snack and after dinner. I have learned to eat ice cream again, and not a tone of them at once but just one! and it worked eventually! I had relapses. I fell and I stood again. I fell and I stood again. I fell and I stood again.
I removed all the triggers, I even stopped exercising for over a year. Exercising was my trigger. I simple stretch and my body was in panic mode. RELAX, chill, trust your body. Listen to your mind, let go.
I meditated, I was reading book after book, focusing on my children, focusing on life, loving life. Relapse is not a relapse, my body needed food, my body needed to backfire a bit. Like a rebel, screaming for justice! I was building strong habits at the same time. I structured my eating, I eliminating all food from bad list. The bad list disappeared. The relapses diminished. I was becoming myself. I was re-born. My weight didn’t matter and to be honest I looked the same. Surprisingly, the theory is correct. Listen to your body and it will pay you back with trust and love. Listen to your body, be mindful and eat all your body needs. Heal.
When you understand this basic principle, you will be set free. You will be on the way to recover and you will never look back.
At the beginning of my recovery I read that I never will be able to diet again. And today I am saying: Today I don’t want to diet again. Today I am free. Today I cook, I eat what I want, I listen to my body. I built strong habits, I respect my body and I respect my values. Today I am being me.
Eating disorder does not define our lives. Together with my body I am strong. Because we trust each other fully. Because my body and mind can stand and do more than I can imagine.
Be strong and believe in yourself. Be free.
Love and Light
Kasia
The Power in You 