Very often I read that in order to recover, you need to eliminate your triggers. That is very easy to say but it would mean – in eating disorder case, that I need to eliminate food, emotions, exercising, meeting people, social media, stress, work, school – in simple words : I need to stop living and breathing. Never mention moving from eating grass to eating more grass, as the population nowadays is crazy about “healthy” living. In my opinion half of the population is on the eating disorder spectrum without realising it, but that is a story for another time.
So, Let us be real. I needed to work with my triggers and teach my body and mind to trust me again. Shall we start from Emotions then?
Emotions
We – as human beings – have emotions. We cry or laugh, we love and hate. Through our life, we also experience all sorts of experiences, which may cause trauma, bad memories or good memories, upset feelings and happiness. The most important for me during the recovery – was to separate those emotions from food. Because, let us be honest – we need food to live. And no matter if we are angry or happy – if we don’t eat – we starve. It is very important to understand that food won’t heal our emotions, but it will feed our brain and cells to function properly. That is the key to recover. A simple cut between food and emotions. Of course – everyone likes a nice cup of hot chocolate in a cold winter evening, a good book and a blanket. Yes, we eat food because we like it, but the main principle is to feed and nourish our bodies. When we starve or restrict, our body is not happy and goes into stress mode. If that happens often, our body freaks out properly. and only waits for a backfire. It is most important that we learn to respect that and make friends with ourselves. Here are the steps to follow:
- Structure your eating – six meals per day. Eat often, so your body can build trust with you and stop craving lots of food in one sitting. Your body will relax and let you know that. Starving yourself for hours is an enormous stress. The last thing you want is to starve.
- If you relapse – don’t panic. It is normal. There is a pathway in your brain, which has been formed for months, maybe years. It takes time to make a new pathway. Be kind to yourself, celebrate victories, learn from experiences.
- Don’t give up – ever.
Food
Food is not an addiction. Food is needed to survive. You think that it is a trigger, because you constantly restrict. So, your body constantly shouts for it. Especially for the food which is on your bad list. My list was very short at the beginning, and then – apart from water and apples – everything was on my bad list. And now ask yourself a question: Are you still surprised that you think of food all the time?
Before you start thinking of your “perfect” lifestyle diet, put aside everything and silence Mr Google. Right now you need to fix your relationship with food. Compare it to a broken leg – can you run with a broken leg? Of course not. Heal first, run later. I don’t know how your situation looks like, but the most important is to build a healthy relationship with food.
Step 1. Introduce the bad list to your diet. That is the scariest of the scariest steps, but once you go over that, you will understand, feel and see the difference. You will walk next to the “trigger food” shop, and won’t even bother. How did I do it? In my situation I ate food from my bad list on daily basis (anything else than apples and water). But I remembered the principles of my recovery: I am healing, I am recovering and I am on my honeymoon with food. Yes, I had relapses. My life was a rollercoaster of anorexia followed by “overeating” (re-feeding as I know that now!). For example, I always ended up on eating ten ice cream, instead of just one. And finally, the day came when I ate just that one ice cream! My body was nourished, fed, and trusted me again. Step by step, you need to re-feed your body, eat all food. Listen to yourself, if you want to eat – it means that you need it. Period.
Step 2. Get rid of the bad list. At this point, you introduced all the trigger food back, you included them in your six meals per day, and all food is good. Bad list is now a distant memory. There are many ideas you could do here. You can make a list of your six meals for five days and learn to prepare them, and enjoy them. If you live with your family, maybe it would be a good idea to cook together, experiment. Slowly, learning to enjoy the experience of feeding your body without guilt.
Exercising
My body was in constant distress. As I was using exercising as a form of losing weight and not simply staying healthy – that was one of the main triggers. Even simple yoga was a reason that I had a relapse. It was time to stop it. Time to slow down, time to recover. I stopped exercising for over a year. Completely. It was tough. Considering that I am a salsa dancer, hiker, rock climber, runner and a swimmer. I simply love sport. With the difference that now I dance because I love it, I hike because I love the mountains and I swim to be healthy.
So, here I was – no exercising for over a year. And I recovered. It was time to respect my body, my mind, my heath. It was a time to self discovery, time to reflect, time to heal and to love myself, so I can give my love to others.
Remember to love yourself, be kind to yourself.
Love and light
Kasia
The Power in You 