Resilience – adapting to difficult and challenging situations.
I was only eight years old. It was a cold December night. I remember it was December as my mum made notes in the calendar when her man, who was living with us, was drinking or beating her and when not. When he was drinking it was in red. The whole week was red. I heard a hard bang on the floor that night. I run to the room. My mum was lying on the floor with her eyes open. He dragged her on to bed. She was lying there and not moving. I took a knife from kitchen drawer as I wanted to kill him. But he took the knife from me. I run outside our flat shouting for help but he dragged me back home. Back to hell. Is my mum dead? I thought she was. “What have you done?! I said. “Now I must go to work tomorrow and buy roll-breads for my brother ! I must find a job! Otherwise he will have nothing to eat. What have you done?” My brother was only 3 years old. He had celiac disease and my mum was buying special bread for him. I was only eight. But I wasn’t panicking. I wasn’t crying. I was scared and felt responsible for my brother. And then, I think it was two hours maybe … my mum woke up. And she started screaming, she was screaming so loud that I escaped to my room. I was terrified. He left the house. Since then we never saw him again.
I always felt responsible for my life. No matter what happened in my life, I had full control over it. Earlier that year when that man came to my bed and started touching me I stood up, put school clothes on my pyjama, and I left home, saying: “I am going to school”. “But it is only 5am- he said” – ” I know, but I start earlier today”. I sat in front of the school and waited for the school to be opened. A lady who lived by the school let me in at 6am. No one ever knew. And I survived. Always happy, always smiling, believing in my dreams, never giving up.
Today I am 45. My life is an amazing journey with many experiences, many ups and downs, many tears and many laughs, many mistakes and many victories. And there is that one important thing: I never give up. Ever. I never complain. I don’t make excuses. I am stubborn, I achieve my goals, and I love life and people. I am not a victim of my past experiences, but a winner. I learned so I can help others, and fell many times, so I know how to stand up. My children grow strong, my friends support me and I support them. I cannot afford the depression state. There are people I am responsible for, there are people whom I help, there are adventures I want to conquer, challenges I want to face. Life is not to give up. And just because there are moments which I find hard, those moments will pass and I will overcome everything.
I managed to overcome eating disorder the way that worked for me. It took me more than seven years, but accompanied me throughout my life. Until something clicked. I read and learned, I had relapses and had doubts. But I challenged myself at every level. And I got rid of it. By never giving up, by building new pathways, by following my dreams.
We have a power that we cannot imagine. Our mind can conquer and achieve anything we desire. If you think you cannot mange, if you think the best way is to give up – think twice. Because there are ways which will help you overcome every single obstacle. If you look at a problem from different perspective it will all change. Don’t be a victim of your past. Be a winner of your future.
Love and Light
Kasia
The Power in You 