As I write this blog, I will add pages from my diary from the beginning of my recovery. The reason for that is that I believe it is the hardest time to go through, and there are so many doubts and reasons behind all I did. My thinking process now is different and yet much the same. But I will write later about it. Now, here is the page from my recovery in the third week:
” (…) I wanted to share something quite important for all who think we eat too much with structured eating 6 meals per day:
It’s my first day after the whole 3 weeks of recovery when I had a normal breakfast without adding more bits to it. And yes, I’m still bloated a bit, and I wear loose clothes. Who cares if I’m getting my life on track and my freedom back. I do.
Structure Eating is a big challenge. But finally, my brain stops thinking: “Eat more, store for later”. So, I can finally eat as I planned my banana-blueberry omelette without adding too many extras.
It’s only because I’m calm and know I won’t be hungry as I eat regularly. I thought that feeling wouldn’t ever come.
And it’s worth waiting for this feeling, even in the face of relapses and other negative emotions. I surrendered to a structure eating six meals daily no matter what, and I slowly can feel the results.
My brain starts to trust me that I won’t starve it. I still have that false feeling of being huge, even if I wear my usual clothes, and no one spots any bigger difference, but it’s more of a psychological issue. We are ourselves, we are normal, the look is not important !! I shout it out, and that path is repairing itself too! I keep fit and exercise within the norm*, and I am me. I do accept myself as I am! Yes, I do.
My advice after the three weeks of recovery: in the face of losing hope, don’t lose it. The trust will slowly come no matter what. You can’t avoid it. If you give someone a treat every day, that person will get used to it and expect you to give him/her that treat. After a while, it won’t be a treat/a gift any more. It will be a naturally expected event, a norm, an intuitive action for that person to expect to receive that gift. It won’t be a shock any more that you gave it. It will be a shock if you don’t. Your body and mind are that person – it is you. Treat yourself every day.
Love and Light
Kasia
P.s. The exercise bit was at an early stage. I eventually stopped exercising for one year because that was one of my biggest triggers. Follow my blog as I will write about the subject of eliminating triggers.
The Power in You 